


Broken Promises (Ed's POV)

by Rei382, Zanya (caidanu)



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: 520 Day | Edward Elric/Roy Mustang Day, Heavy Angst, M/M, Roy's trials, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-21
Updated: 2020-05-21
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:46:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24299815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rei382/pseuds/Rei382, https://archiveofourown.org/users/caidanu/pseuds/Zanya
Summary: Nothing prepared him for the look of defeat Roy's eyes and finality of his words. The dream Ed once held close to his heart slipped away from him like ice falling through his fingers and shattering on the ground. He had been a fool to come here and think he could make a difference.
Relationships: Edward Elric/Roy Mustang
Comments: 12
Kudos: 39





	Broken Promises (Ed's POV)

**Author's Note:**

> This is my half of a collab between Rei382 and me. It takes place in an alternate verse we have together, where she writes Roy and I write Ed. We decided to explore some darker themes for 520 day. Please head the no happy ending tag before diving in.

The hallway was silent except for each time his left foot hit the concrete floor as the guard led him down to the jail cell. Ed pulled on the collar of his jacket then shoved his hands in his pockets to keep himself from fidgeting. The walk felt long even though it wasn’t. He didn’t want to be here, but after reading the headline in the news this morning he couldn’t stay away. He remembered throwing the newspaper down and running here all the while trying to think of what he would say and how he would say it. Nothing had come to mind and words still eluded him now. 

He patted the change in his pocket once—the five-hundred-and-twenty cenz he had borrowed all those years ago—a reminder of the promise he had made. Ed hoped Roy would remember that promise too because he wanted desperately to hold Roy to it. 

The man left him in front of Roy’s jail cell with a firm reminder that visiting hours were over in a half hour. Ed shuffled his feet a little then stepped closer until he stood on the other side of the bars. Roy was sitting with his head down. Seeing Roy behind bars made him feel like he had stepped into some sick and twisted nightmare that wouldn’t end. 

The last time he had seen Roy they had gone out for a few drinks and to play some darts. It felt so surreal that it had only been a weekend ago. Looking back now, he tried to replay the entire night in his head to see if maybe he had missed something, some indication that would be their last night meeting up. Roy hadn’t acted any different. Never said anything or gave any indication he was in trouble. 

Ed had worked with Roy long enough when he had been a state alchemist to know that something like this wouldn’t have slipped off Roy’s radar. There was no doubt in his mind Roy had to have known. Ed didn’t know exactly how military trials went because he had never been subject to one, but it made no sense that something like this had happened in a week’s span of time. 

How long Roy had known about the trials before they started? How he had managed to act as if nothing was going on? Ed had always considered himself an observant person, and he thought he had gotten pretty good at reading Roy, but this only proved how little he knew, and how long he had fallen out of the loop over the past seven years. It was so easy for him to take the exhaustion and heavy lines under Roy’s eyes as the usual work stress since he had seen it before. 

He felt like a fool. 

He should have said something. Pushed a little harder. As much as he hated doing, maybe if he had it might have changed what happened or at least given him a chance to be there for Roy more. Or maybe try to talk Roy into another way, a better way to hold off the trials. There had to have been an alternative to this. Ed couldn’t accept that executing Roy was the only way for justice to be served for the Ishvalan war. Not after all the work Roy had put into the reconstruction and rebuilding of Ishval. There was so much more he could for the country. So much good. It was already a better place because of him. Once Roy was gone…

Ed couldn’t even think about that. It made his chest ache and his eyes feel wet. He hadn’t come here only to break down before he had the chance to say his piece. 

Ed cleared his throat as his fingers curled onto the bars tightly. “Hey,” was all he said when his eyes met Roy’s.

His eyes followed Roy’s movements as he got up from his seat and walked towards the bars until he was only standing a few inches from it. He wasn’t sure what he had expected, but it surprised him that Roy came over. He hadn’t anticipated he would be able to look Roy in the eyes directly. He wasn’t sure if that was an advantage or a hindrance, but something coiled up inside him. Anger, fear, despair? Ed wasn’t sure which. Maybe all three. 

Ed almost took a step back but stopped himself. The closeness of having Roy only about a half a foot away started to overwhelm him. He inhaled a soft breath and carefully blew it out so that he wouldn’t lose a hold of the very thin control he had over his emotions. A part of him wanted to open the jail cell and fall apart in Roy’s arms and forget everything he wanted to say while the rest of him wanted to tell Roy he had come to bust him out. Tell him they could take on the guards, hop a train, head east, and never have to think about this again. 

Neither was an option. Likely one of them, if not both, wouldn’t make it out alive. 

“Hello, Edward,” Roy said.

The words were simple, yet Roy’s voice washed over him, wrapping him up like a safe, warm blanket. Already, he could feel his resolve and control slipping. Now that he was here, Ed wasn’t sure he could do this without breaking down. 

“You’ve heard the news,” Roy finally said. “I’m sorry that you had to hear about it that way, but considering my status, I couldn’t really contact anyone.” 

Ed’s breath hitched. He swallowed, trying to stamp down the lump forming in his throat. Of course, he knew, but hearing Roy confirm one of his worst fears dug into him like a dagger. 

The grocer was only a couple blocks from his apartment. Ed had stepped out to pick up a few small things for dinner. He had reached the small newspaper stand when he noticed a large crowd of people milling around it and the Newsie yelling about General Roy Mustang convicted of war crimes. Ed had pushed through the crowd of people to see it for himself. It felt like he had been punched in the gut when the words execution were smattered across the front page. He hadn’t even bothered to read it the entire way through. How could he? No, Ed had dropped the paper and came here as fast as he could. 

“Yeah, I read it fresh off the press. I guess the military doesn’t waste any time.” Bitterness seeped through in his words. Ed had never forgotten the conversation he had had with Hawkeye before the Promised Day, but he had always thought if a trial did happen, it would be after Roy became Fuhrer. After all the changes had been made. After people saw how good Roy was for the country and there had been enough time to heal the wounds left by the war. “When’s it supposed to happen?”

Ed stood up straighter and raised his head a bit. He steeled himself for whatever answer he’d get. A few months, maybe several. That might be enough time for them to come up with a plan. Or maybe for the public to demand a change, after all, Roy had played a big role in saving Amestris, and while the details were kept from the public, everyone knew that something bad had happened and that Roy was the man keeping them all safe. 

Roy shook his head. “I know you have your objections on that matter, but as a whole, the military is a very efficient system,” Roy told him. 

He had plenty of objections and questions about why this happened so soon and how? He wanted to know who had filed the charges, but Roy would never tell him. That would be classified information, something he as a civilian had no access to. Instead, Ed opened to his mouth to say that the military was only efficient when it benefited from it, but what Roy said next shut him up. 

“Next week,” Roy answered, matter-of-factly. “Tuesday. Five pm.”

His eyes widened in shock. He heard a low gasp and realized it came from himself. Ed’s legs felt weak and his stomach sick. How could Roy say that in such a calm way? Didn’t Roy care his life was about to end? “Next week?” He thought he would have more time. Ed couldn’t wrap his mind around the idea that by next Wednesday Roy would be dead. “Don’t you get an appeals process?” 

Surly there was some way to hold it off. He couldn’t accept this was it. That there was nothing he could do. He didn’t have as many connections as he used to, but Ed would gladly cash in on any favors owed or make some phone calls, even to people he had never met. So long as Roy trusted them, Ed would too. 

“I forfeited it,” Roy said. 

Ed’s thoughts stopped in their tracks. Roy could have appealed and didn’t? He couldn’t stop the chill and shock from sweeping over him. His eyes turned and focused on how Roy paused—meaning there would likely be something as awful to follow—then walked closer to the bars. 

“I was tried for my crimes. My sentence passed. Appealing would be wrong. It would defy everything I worked so hard for. I deserve what I got,” Roy continued. “I murdered hundreds, Edward. I looked children in the eye and with a snap of my fingers eradicated them from this world. Compared to what I did, I’m getting off easy.”

It was then that Ed knew everything he had planned to say was no good. There would be an argument at best, possibly a fight at worse. There was an air of defeat and resignation in Roy’s eyes that he immediately hated. Roy had already given up. 

“That’s not true.” He shook his head, refusing to believe that there was nothing in Roy worth saving. He knew better. Ed had seen the look in Roy’s eyes on the rare occasions the war had come up in conversation. Roy paid for what he had done every day of his life. Was still paying for it now. 

How could Roy say those words and mean them? 

He looked away as the expression in his eyes went from shocked to devastated. Ed took a couple deep breaths, letting each out slowly so his voice didn’t shake so much. When Roy stepped closer, Ed hesitated before putting his right hand back between the bars. “I know what you did. I also know what you’ve done afterwards,” he said, keeping his voice low. “All the good, how much you’ve been helpin’ people out, trying to make this country better.” How could all those things mean nothing to Roy? Everything Roy had worked for was gone now—discarded like trash in the gutter. “You were supposed to turn this country into a democracy,” Ed’s voice shook at the memory of Roy’s promise. 

He was supposed to keep coming back and borrowing more money until Roy reached the next step. This couldn’t be the end of it. He had his own promise to keep, an unspoken one to help push Roy to the top. 

Ed lightly bit down on his bottom lip, fighting back the sting in his eyes. All his anger and sadness. It felt like something inside of him was shattering, and he wasn’t sure he could stop it.

Roy moved closer yet, catching Ed’s attention. His eyes were damp as he waited for more terrible words to come. Then Roy raised his hand. For a moment, Ed thought Roy was going to place it over his own but instead it settled on a different bar. 

Roy closed his eyes briefly. “Everything I’ve done afterwards does not change the horrors I caused in the past. I deserve to be punished, Edward.”

Did Roy honestly believe that? Did he hate himself that much? A part of Ed had always known Roy saw himself as a monster. Excuses had never been made nor had Ed pushed for any. He hadn’t been in the war. He had heard stories from various people over the years and had dug into himself after first learning about Roy’s role in the war, but hearing or reading about what happened wasn’t the same as someone who had actually gone through it. There was no point of reference which gave him any right to judge. 

Ed wanted nothing more than to open the cell, step inside, and pull Roy and him everything would be okay. That he would fix it somehow. Make the military understand what an awful mistake this was. He couldn’t do that, though. Ed was stuck on the other side, in a place surrounded by guards, and no ability to perform alchemy. He could watch. 

How useless. How pathetic. 

His voice rose a little then wavered, “Haven’t you punished yourself enough?” 

“No, I haven’t. Even a firing squad is nothing compared to what I did. My death will not change the future of Amestris. Fuhrer Armstrong is a good woman. She sees things the way I do, and she will continue on the path to make it a better place for everyone. Everything I worked for will not be gone just because I am.”

He winced at those words. For every point Roy made, Ed thought of a counterpoint that would give an opposite point of view. They could go circles with this all night if they wanted. Ed could ask Roy how he would feel if their situations were switched, and Roy would probably argue how Ed would have never done something like this in the first place. 

Neither would convince the other until the guard came and asked him to leave. Ed hated how trapped he felt. When had he been reduced to an observer instead the one to take action? But what chance did he stand against Olivier? 

“It won’t be the same.” Ed worried his lips a little. Olivier Armstrong could be brutal. Ed had seen it for himself. And while the Briggs soldiers were loyal to her because she kept them safe and truly did care about Amestris and its people, she also never hesitated killing when she thought it necessary. “I know she’s a good person, but she’s also harsh. They killed a lot of people during the Promised Day, and your team had no casualties.”

Ed knew most of it was self defense, some of it was them disposing of people they saw as bad and in the way of making the country a better place. He never had the stomach for it, and he could never support the idea that more deaths would somehow compensate for all the people who died. “I don’t get how killing you changes the past? How does it make up for it? How is it justice killing you when you still can do so much good?”

“It can’t change the past, nor can it make up for it. I am not stupid, Edward.” 

That was why it was so hard for him to accept Roy’s fatalistic attitude. This wasn’t right. He had to make Roy understand. “I know you’re not stupid—” 

“I know this,” Roy interrupted. “But what do you think will happen if they spare me? I was not just a mere soldier back then. I was a State Alchemist with the power to kill dozens in a few seconds, and I used that power in abundance. How is it justice to let me live? How can Amestris become a real democracy, a real country for all its people, if they keep people like me unpunished?”

“Look me in the eyes and tell me you think this country will be a better place without you. That there’s not gonna be a giant, vacant hole left behind that will never be filled. That I won’t—” be completely shattered, he almost said. 

Something made him hold back from saying that, though. Maybe it was the sad look in Roy’s eyes that made him reconsider his words or that he was too much of a coward to admit his feelings even now. It didn’t matter. Ed hadn’t planned on coming here to make Roy feel guilty, but he couldn’t hide his anger or hurt either.

“In this aspect, yes.” Roy lifted his eyes to Ed’s and faced him evenly. “I think this country will be a better place without me. I don’t like this anymore than you do,” Roy paused. “I do not have any kind of death wish, Edward. I enjoy being alive. I would love to stay that way. But the things I’d done—the crimes I’d committed—had led to this point. And there is nothing I can, or should, do about it. Every person dying is a hole left that’s impossible to fill. I am no better than anyone else.” 

Then Roy furrowed his eyebrows and drew slightly closer to Ed. “That you won’t, what?” he asked Ed softly. 

A part of him had hoped Roy would forget that slip-up or gloss over it like it had never happened. He had stopped for a reason. There were some things best left unsaid, but now Roy had asked, and Ed refused to lie about it. 

“That I won’t feel it. Feel that void you’re gonna leave.” He leveled his eyes with Roy’s. “That I won’t feel it. Feel that void you’re gonna leave.” Ed gently touched his own chest even though he knew that a broken heart didn’t mean his heart would literally break into a thousand pieces. His voice was so low he wasn’t sure Roy even heard him. He glanced back up at Roy. Something inside of him was breaking, and he knew it was never going to completely heal. 

“I never said that,’ Roy quietly said. “I know it will be hard. I know you will miss me. But…” He gently touched Ed’s hand and pressed his thumb against Edward’s skin. “It will heal. Eventually. Maybe it will take a month, maybe a year. Maybe a bit more, but the pain will fade. You will forget about me. Maybe one day even understand why this is the only way. You’re one of the strongest men I have ever had the pleasure to meet, Edward, and I’m…” he paused. “I’m just your former commanding officer, and a friend.”

Only a friend? Ed choked back a sob at those words. Of course he knew Roy hadn’t wanted more than friendship but hearing it cut him open and tore out any hope he had. 

Ed had tried to not give it too much thought before, even after that first time they had ended up in bed together. Despite his efforts, he wasn’t able to stop himself from feeling more. It had started before they had had sex. He had known that night he was playing with fire and that he might get burned, but Ed had always loved a little danger, and so long as it was his own heart at risk, as long as he could still have Roy in his life even if nothing more than a friend, he had been okay with that. 

The few times they had been together, both of them had been tipsy enough to push that boundary, but afterwards, even though Roy never mistreated Ed or regretted it, it was very clear it wouldn’t lead to more. If there had been even the slightest hint that could change, Ed would have finally gathered his courage their last time and asked Roy out. He knew why his stomach fluttered whenever he saw Roy or why he sometimes felt almost shy whenever Roy complimented him. But they were only compliments and nothing more. 

Despite knowing a part of him had clung onto the hope something would change, and Roy would notice the way Ed looked at him? 

“You mean more to me than that,” he quietly said. So much more than Ed could express right now.  
The rest of what Roy said hit him. “Forget you?” Ed pulled away like he had been burned and he felt wet on his cheeks. That thought in itself left him unable to hold his hurt back. “Do you think so little of yourself that you believe I’ll just… move on and forget everything you’ve done for Al and me?” Ed shut his mouth. He would never forget what Roy did for him and Al. How he had helped two naive kids without hesitation even though one was missing two limbs and the other didn’t have a body when most people would have recoiled knowing what they had done. Helped give them the means and way to fix their mistake. 

This went beyond the time he spent with Roy since he came back. Ed had realized on some level, even back then, how Roy had always looked out for him and Al when they were younger. Once he came back, and they reconnected, he gave it more thought. Really took the time to think back on all the times Roy had helped then—often regretting the hard time he gave Roy—and realized the gift that had been given to him. 

Now that he was older, he appreciated all those times even more. Ed had experienced enough in his adult life to know that he wouldn’t have been able to get Al’s body back without Roy’s help and support. The financial support alone from the military had enabled him to research, and Roy never hesitated to give him a lead. 

He remembered how frail Al’s body was in the Gate. His brother had come so close to running out of time before the Promised Day. If Roy had never barged into Granny Pinako’s home that night, demanding to know why they had done, it would have set them back for years if they even managed to find another way, by then, the damage would have been permanent. He would have lost his baby brother. 

Roy didn’t say anything for a moment. “I’m not asking you to forget that. Just whatever feelings you might have for me,” he said instead.

“I don’t want to forget us, Roy. Even if I did, I wouldn’t be able to.” Edward looked away from Roy and pushed those thoughts away. If he let them stay he knew he would fall apart, breakdown against the bars of Roy’s cell until someone came and took him away. “What about all the people you did save? All the soldiers under you that you kept safe won’t feel it. Do you think they could just forget you? You think it’s right for them?”

Roy pressed his thumb gently against Ed’s hand. “Edward, all the good I did will remain,” he said. “This is not going to change. My sentence makes sure that the foundations on which this country will be rebuilt will be strong and just. Granting me—people like me—a pardon, even letting me rot in jail, will tell those who were hurt by Amestris’s actions that the country spits in their faces, after everything it had already done. It will show that status does still grant you immunity. That cannot happen at a democracy.”

“You wanna know what would happen if they spared you or what kind of message it would send?” Ed looked at Roy again, now unable to hold back the pain his eyes held. “It would show this country’s capable of forgiveness for someone remorseful and it’s possible for someone to change and do good.” Death was finite. There was no undoing it. 

Roy breathed in deeply. “This is not about forgiveness,” he said eventually. “It is not about changing. This is not… I did not steal, or threaten, or corrupt evidence. I am a murderer. I took lives. More than you can conceive. No amount of good I can do in a lifetime can correct that. There is nothing I can do to bring back those who are lost. There is nothing I could say that would console all those who lost their loved ones.”

“You’re right. You killed a lot of people, and you should have stood up and tried to stop it. I know that dead is dead.” Edward’s grip on the bars tightened. “How many people are alive because of you? The entire country’s alive because of you. That suddenly doesn’t matter to you anymore? You think that what you did in the past negates the good you do before and after?” 

Ed wanted to scream at Roy to try harder. Beg him to reconsider and do something. Why had Roy let this happen to him and then try to justify it? Ed felt his hope slip into nothingness. No matter what he said or did, he already knew he wouldn’t be able to convince Roy this wasn’t right. Maybe if he had known sooner. Had more time to fully process this he could have come up with a plan, something, anything, to make this go away. 

The empty comfort in the way Roy kept moving his thumb over Ed’s hand burned. It left a hollow ache in the pit of his stomach. The warmth of Roy’s skin against his pushed him closer to damnation. He would never feel Roy’s warmth pressed up against him again. 

Ed pulled his hand away then rubbed at his temple, his eyes darting from the floor to the bars of the cell, then to the wall. He had to give himself a few seconds to gather whatever strength he had left and face Roy. 

“You’re not a monster,” Edward said eventually, returning his gaze back to Roy. Nothing could convince him that Roy was a monster. Kimblee had been a monster. There hadn’t been a shred of remorse from Kimblee about his role in Ishval. Wrath had been a monster too, and not because he was a homunculus, but because of his cruelty and dismissive regard for human life. Roy was neither of those. “I spent a lot of time with Kimblee at Briggs and nothing you can say can convince me you’re no different than he was.”

Ed had stared down far worse men than Roy before. Even after he had seen the darkness Roy carried in him when they were in the tunnels with Envy, it wasn’t the same. Hughes’ death had culminated in the hatred he had seen. It frustrated him that he couldn’t explain it. Couldn’t come up with a better argument that would convince Roy to fight this. 

Logically, Ed understood why Roy felt the way he did. No amount of him trying to imagine how he would feel if their situations were reversed could make him fully understand. Roy had killed so many people, wiped them out with a snap of his fingers. He had participated in mass genocide instead of standing up for what he knew was right. Ed knew all this, but it didn’t stop him from hating it. 

“I know,” Roy replied. “But killing me will not kill the people I saved, either. It will not undo the good things I did do. But it will bring justice,” he paused, and tried to reach for Edward’s hand through the bars. “For those I hurt, directly and indirectly. To those who suffered under King Bradley’s rule. Killing me will not make their lives good again, but it will give them a reason to believe Amestris is a place for them too. That it acknowledges the wrongs that have been done towards them. And this is worth more than my life, Edward.”

Edward moved his hand back to the bars, and the fluttering of his skin against Roy’s was intoxicating. As much as he wanted to resist, he couldn’t. Especially not when Roy moved his hand and hesitatingly placed it over his. 

“Any good I might have done in the future, had I had the chance – I firmly believe it will still happen,’ Roy said. “Amestris still has good people. It has Fuhrer Armstrong. It has Riza Hawkeye. It has you. It has your brother. Isn’t that enough?”

The look of pain in Roy’s face didn’t escape his notice. It also didn’t stop his bitter laugh. Roy gave him too much credit, thought more of him than he deserved. 

“It won’t have me.” He couldn’t stay in Central or even in Resembool. The thought made his stomach churn. It would be a constant reminder of Roy’s death. “I’m not staying in a country that’s gonna execute you. I don’t care how fair you or anyone else thinks it is. I won’t support it. I can’t accept this. I can’t forgive it. It’s never gonna be okay no matter how much time passes. I made my promise to you, no one else.” 

His hand tensed and for a moment he thought Roy would move away. He felt almost a sick relief that Roy hadn’t. Ed shook his head. “I’m going back home, east, where I belong. It was stupid of me to come back and think I’d find a place here.”

It had been too long since he had been in Amestris for more than a week or two that when he did come back, Ed had forgotten how much of himself he had to hide and keep in check so he wouldn’t get hassled. Xing had provided him with a freedom he hadn’t realized he had until he left. Living in Central for almost a year had only been bearable because of Roy. If they hadn’t accidentally ran into each other almost a year ago, Ed would have packed his bags and left already. What had he been thinking? That he could get a regular job and have a normal life?

“I am not going to try and change your decision,” Roy said. “And I am not going to tell you it would be wrong of you. But it saddens me. Amestris should have more people like you.”

It amazed Ed how Roy could say those words and sound so sincere. He knew it wasn’t a lie, but why did Roy place so much importance on him? After the Promised Day, Ed had nothing for Amestris. He had done his best to quietly move on with his life. “It’s not like I can benefit it much,” he quietly said. “I’m gonna have to walk around feeling like I’m missing a piece of my heart for a long time. I think it’s a fair trade considering most people won’t even notice I’m gone.” Cold words he could hardly believe he said, but now that he had, Ed didn’t regret them. 

“I…” Roy started then paused. “I didn’t realize you felt like this. But I would like you to move on when I am gone. I would like you to at least try. I care for you too much to be able to go knowing this.” Roy moved his finger over Ed’s skin again. “Please. Don’t hold yourself back because of me. At least try to find a way to fill that void.”

It was the please that had tears spilling down onto his cheeks. Ed had never heard Roy sound so sad like this before. At first he tried to hide it, quickly realizing it would be no use. Ed pushed the urge to wipe his eyes away. He waited until his quick, short breaths evened out. 

When his eyes met Roy’s this time he felt fresh tears on his cheeks again.“It’s not your fault.” Edward said softly. Roy closed his eyes, trying to overcome the pain when he moved his head down a bit. He moved his head down a bit and pressed his cheek into Roy’s hand, wishing desperately he could do more. “I never said anything ‘cause I didn’t want to make things weird,” he whispered. “I didn’t mean to care so much. I tried not to. I knew nothing would come of it, and I was okay with that. I didn’t expect more, but I never thought something like this would happen.” 

It had been so easy for him to fall in love, though. Roy turned out to be surprisingly sharp-witted and fun. Ed looked forward to their debates on alchemy or politics, something he never hesitated giving his honest opinion of. They would often talk for hours. He would invite Roy over to play cards or chess any chance he got just so he could hear Roy’s voice. 

They were comfortable around each other. Ed felt safe to express his feelings and opinions without worry of being judged. Even when he knew Roy didn’t agree with his actions, it never stunted their conversations or hurt their friendship. 

“I’m not that naive kid who could fall back on his alchemy to survive. We both know I’d be a shit soldier or politician. Even if I stayed here, it’s not like I’d be doing anything great. There’d be nothing to miss, and I’ll never support the regime that executes you.” Edward lifted his face and despite the wet on it, there was cold, hard determination in his eyes. 

It was supposed to be Roy, not someone else that changed the country. It felt so unfair that he could feel his chest tighten a little. His heart would never fully heal. Scars like this never truly went away. Sometimes, if the person was lucky, they would fade. This would damage him to his core, and he couldn’t stop the anger that settled deep in him. 

“You will be missed,” Roy said. “People will notice. People tend to take the sun for granted, until they lose it.” 

Roy managed a soft, sad smile. Ed almost flinched at the pain he was causing. He should be ashamed of himself. He should stop slinging harsh words at Roy. Why was he doing this? Why did he keep pushing? Yet he couldn’t stop. He couldn’t turn around and put this behind them both.

“I know you are not a politician and you never will be,” Roy continued. “But even without performing alchemy, you are one of the brightest men I’d ever had the pleasure to meet. You are one of the best men I’d ever had the pleasure to meet. Even when you didn’t live here, you were still more important to Amestris than I’d ever been. Even after you gave up your alchemy you never ceased to be the Hero of the People. And even if you never set foot in Amestris again, this is how you will be remembered here. But…” Roy paused. “I can understand why you would like to leave.”

Ed felt nothing at those words. Right now, he only cared if Roy would miss him. He wasn’t the sun. He was a broken man who was about to shatter into a million more pieces. 

He could already feel something inside of him breaking, and Ed knew he should leave. Say his goodbyes and go. He knew there wouldn’t be a next time. This was his chance to leave Roy with some peace. “No you won’t. You’ll be dead. That’s pretty fucking final, Roy,” he said instead. When he glanced back up he knew he was crying again. Silent tears that would slide down his face and only cause more pain. 

“It doesn’t matter. That kind of adoration is empty,” Ed trembled a little when Roy responded by touching his hand. The warmth he felt from that simple action had heat spread throughout his body. His instinct was to get closer, to feel some form of comfort, but the bars separated them. Ed felt both useless and helpless. He wanted to do something. Erase the verdict. Make them take it back. But he couldn’t. Would Roy hate him if he tried? “If they knew me, really knew who I was, they’d change their mind about me. All they see is someone who doesn’t exist anymore.”

His words were harsh, but he didn’t care. They didn’t know him, know who he was now, and he didn’t want them to. Not that it mattered. Ed hadn’t done all those things when he was a State Alchemist so that people would see him as a hero. That was a title he never wanted nor could he accept. He had done it to get Al’s body back and because he couldn’t walk away from what Father and the homunculi had planned. 

“Maybe you can say the same about me,” Roy replied in a quiet voice. “I was just an idea, like you say you were. But Olivier will carry it on and make it happen, and she will need all the support she can get to make this change. The people of Amestris don’t even know what a democracy is. They might not be able to understand, at first, that it is better for them. Change is always hard and there are always those who will object to it. I wish you would stay when I’m gone. But I am not going to ask you to.” 

“That’s not true,” Ed felt ill. Nausea settled in the pit of his stomach. “You’re not just an idea, Roy. So many people would be lost without you.” He would be lost without Roy. “No one will do what you could have done. What is the point in living in a place that kills off its protector? Whether you want to admit it or not, that’s what you became.” 

Roy shook his head. “Someone else will have that title when I’m gone. That idea won’t die away just because I did, Edward.”

Edward lowered his head and leaned against the bars, picking through every thought as he tried to find a new argument, something that would change Roy’s mind. Eventually, Ed looked up. He felt uneasy, haunted but the finality of Roy’s words. “Did the Ishvalans at least have a say in the verdict?” His question came out desperate and his voice raw. Ed wasn’t even sure he could accept it even if they had, but they were the only ones who had any right to pass this kind of judgment on Roy.

“Only Miles was there,” Roy said in a flat, factual voice. 

“So the people you’ve wronged had nothing to say about your punishment?” Ed moved right hand up from the prison bars then to his head and pushed his loose hair away from his forehead. How was that justice? It wouldn’t have made Ed feel better, but he might have almost been able to understand why nothing should be done about it. 

He let out a shaky breath. “You know what? Don’t answer that. I don’t… it doesn’t matter.” His hand dropped from his hair back to hold on the metal bar. “If I thought for a second there was something I could do or say to change your mind, I would. I would get on my knees and beg you not to do this.” 

They both knew that if Roy wanted to fight this he could. If he wanted to escape, he could easily use his alchemy to tear the walls apart and leave. Roy wouldn’t do that, though. He was too noble and lawful.

Roy sighed. “I know,” he said softly as his voice shook. He moved closer and leaned his forehead against the bars. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I…” He took a deep breath and let it out. Roy tightened his hold on Ed’s fingers and opened his eyes. “I know you have good friends in Xing. Go to them. I know they will take you in. I hope that they will help you heal. Help you forget about me.”

Ed’s breaths came out choked and heavy. His fingers clenched Roy’s as if that would somehow make Roy understand. “Don’t you get it? I can’t forget you, Roy even if I tried.”

He felt a tear making its wet trail down his cheek. He shouldn’t have come here. All he managed to do was make it worse. He felt weak as if his body would crumble any moment and he would break down. All the hurt and pain wanted to rush out of him, and the only thing that stopped him was that look of pain on Roy’s face. He placed his hand next to Roy’s again. 

His fingers curled tighter into Roy’s. Ed felt like he might throw up. He shook his head, unable to say the words. Ed could clearly see the hurt in Roy’s eyes, and the sane, logical part of his mind was back in his thoughts, telling him to leave, to stop this before he did anymore more damage. His eyes followed the movement of the tear on Roy’s cheek. He wouldn’t forget Roy. Even if he didn’t have any physical reminders of Roy, his dreams wouldn’t let him forget. They never did nor did he want them to. Every single memory they had would be burned into his thoughts, and he would cling desperately to them for as long as he could. Ed would treasure them regardless of the hurt they will cause him. 

Ed had meant to remind Roy of that dumb promise, to fight this. To come to his senses and see reason. Instead an overwhelming amount of guilt overtook him, nudging him to do what he had come here to do. 

His hand slid deeper into his pants pocket and pulled out the money. He looked at the change in his hand. “I wanted to give this back to you. I kept hold on it for long enough,” he quietly said as he held out his hand with the five hundred and twenty cenz in it.

Roy reached out but didn’t take the money. Why would he refuse. Confusion settled over his features. He knew Roy hadn’t forgotten. Did he think Ed hadn’t been serious or would make an empty promise he had no intentions of keeping? 

His eyes settled on Roy’s hand, the way they guided his fingers and closed them over the money, and for a moment, Ed considered letting it go and walking away.

“I cannot take it,” Roy said. “I didn’t earn it. I won’t have anything to do with it.”

Anger spiked through him when Roy spoke. Ed’s eyes hardened. He pushed his hand back, forcing the coins into Roy’s hand. “You gave it to me so I could make an important phone call. It was never mine to keep for this long.” Ed pulled his hand away before Roy could give them back, the sudden action causing coins to fall in a clatter across the prison floor. “I only said all that bullshit so _this_ wouldn’t happen.”

Ed watched as Roy closed his eyes momentarily. When he opened them again he sat the coins on the floor and looked up at Ed. “I meant to do it,” Roy said. His voice sounded almost broken to Ed. “Turn this country into a democracy. But—” 

“Now it’s someone else’s problem. Got it.” Ed glanced away and stuffed down the anger that swelled in him. He wasn’t even sure if he was mad at Roy for giving up or the military for dealing out the death sentence. 

“I don’t want us to part like this,” Roy said as his voice shook. “Please?”

His eyes widened at Roy’s plea. In the years they had known each other, Ed had never heard Roy’s voice shake before. It shocked him. How he wanted to erase this entire day and start over. 

He shook his head. “I won’t lie to you,” his voice lowered, but his anger and sadness came through clearly. “I can’t give you what you want.” A part of him wanted to be able to give Roy what he wanted, but Ed knew himself well enough to know better. 

Ed watched as Roy’s eyes closed again. He could see the agony on Roy’s face. Hear how hard and harsh his breaths had become. He knew Roy was trying to hold it together only to fail when he saw the tears slide down Roy’s face. He wanted to look away, pretend it hadn’t happened, but he felt frozen in place and unable to pull himself away. 

Roy took a deep breath, opened his eyes. “I understand,” he said, his voice raw and broken. 

“I don’t have anything else left to give,” Ed said. He wasn’t sure if he meant it as an explanation or a justification for his despicable words. “I can’t make you fight this and see if there’s a better way. But don’t expect me to forgive you or anyone who did this.” 

For the first time, Ed truly regretted giving up his gate so that he would have been able to separate the bars between them, then felt immediate guilt wash over him for even thinking it. 

“I only hope you will be able to find happiness later in your life,” Roy said, defeated. 

His thoughts twisted into a mess. Ed clenched his hands together. He knew he needed to step away, calm down a little, but he couldn’t let go because there wouldn’t be another time. He couldn’t come back with fresh ideas and knock some sense into Roy. He wouldn’t be able to face Roy again without getting arrested, if they even let him back inside.

Ed had reached that tipping point inside him. Any little push and he would lose what small thread of control he had left. He wanted to focus on how close Roy was to him, and what it felt like to feel Roy’s breath against his skin or hear him talk. Would he still remember how Roy’s voice sounded a year or two for now? Or would the right tone be on the tip of his thoughts but never quite right? That thought forced a small sob from him as his anger started to fade. 

Happiness wasn’t a concept he had been familiar with for a long time, and it would continue to elude him. This would ruin him. There wasn’t a corner of the world he could escape to forget. There was no one he could go that would erase this moment from his memories. 

“If you wanna believe in a lie,” he choked back another sob. “I won’t stop you.” His voice finally broke with those last words. He couldn’t do this. 

He took a small step back then hesitated. A part of him begged to be allowed to stay, to properly say goodbye to Roy, to take back everything he had said even if it would be a lie, but Ed refused to give in. If he didn’t leave now, nothing short of being arrested would drag him away from Roy’s cell. 

Nothing could convince him to leave Roy with the memory of him falling apart. He had done enough damage. Ed pushed away from the cell, fingers digging into the palm of his hands. He turned his back to Roy and left. 

When he knew he was out of Roy’s sight, his footsteps pounded against the floor as he fled the prison. He managed to hold back the tears the best he could, until he ran down the hallway, past the guards, and outside. Only then did he allow himself to sink down on the concrete steps and let his sorrow overtake him. 

Ed held himself tightly as if he was protecting himself from rainy weather. Because, in a way he was protecting himself, only instead of from the rain, from his broken heart. From this city, from the memories of Roy that would haunt him for a long time. There was nowhere to escape to. No place he could hide from them. No corner of the world that would be safe. It made him want to curl up, tuck himself in close, and forget about the world. 

His shoulders started to shake, and he was unable to hold back any longer as he softly wept into his hands. Ed couldn’t believe this was it. This was the last time he would see Roy or hear his voice or see his smile. Every time he thought the tears would stop and the pain would ebb, the thought of never seeing Roy again took the hurt he tried to contain and ripped it wide open. 

The bitterness of his final words forced their way into his thoughts. He knew he would regret saying those things to Roy, for pushing so hard. The reality sank and he cried harder, overwhelmed by the sudden feeling of loss. What had he done? 

Oh, god, what had he done?

**Author's Note:**

> Super tired rn so please forgive any possible mistake. I did edit but will come back tomorrow when I am awake ^^'


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